15 THINGS YOU MUST GIVE YOUR SPOUSE
-By Bisi Adewale
Do you really desire a healthy marriage? Are you really sure? Are you ready to give it all it will take? If you answered yes to all these questions, then let me tell you some things you must give to your spouse if you really want a great change.
- Your Heart: Most marriages started by people having a deep affection for each other, which they call love. It grew so deep that they felt they could not live their lives without one another, hence, they got married. Unfortunately for many, that is where the good story ends. Immediately after “yes I do”, the heart is allowed to wander away from each other, and married couples hardly miss each other’s presence. In fact, they do feel lonely despite being in the presence of each other.
The problem is, most couples have invested their hearts in something else to the detriment of their marriages. Some men invested in jobs, business and ministry, some even in strange women, while women invest their hearts in their children, jobs, and in extreme cases on other men.
These are the reasons many homes are in trouble today. Many hands are joined together but minds are miles apart.
If you desire better days in your marriage, then give your heart to your spouse. Let him or her have a room in your mind, give love a chance.
To be sincere with you, there is no way to make your marriage work if your mind is not involved in it. Take the time to clean your mind of all hurts, resentment, unforgiveness, bitterness, anger, and all negative thinking.
Give room to positive thinking and positive imaginations. Learn to celebrate your spouse in your mind, accept him or her totally, and never compare your spouse with anybody. Rather, see him or her as a gift in your life giving glory to God.
Majority of the crisis in your home started from your minds. If you can liberate your mind and become a positive thinker, then you would have succeeded in liberating your marriage.
- 2. Your Hands: Giving a helping hand to your spouse is another thing you should do. You are joined to each other to fulfil God’s purpose for your life, you are to stand with, to defend, protect and support your spouse. Men most especially should know that, house chores and baby-sitting are not labelled “for women only”. Husbands should give their support in this regard as, there is no way she will do all the house chores- cook, take care of the “kids”, then you the biggest “kid” and still have enough strength to be your lover girl in bed.
Support her. Changing diapers does not change your name from “Mr.” to “Mrs.”, it only shows how responsible you are as a father.
Likewise, wives should give a helping hand in payments of bills, dues, fees, fares and rents. By all means, support your husband. It will be very wrong for you to go shopping for new clothes, shoes, and bags when the house rent is yet to be paid. Most women can give their bodies to their husband, but not their money. What God has joined together let not money put asunder.
- Eyes: Find pleasure in looking at each other; looking straight into the eyes of your mate when he or she talks shows how much you value him or her. Men should avoid “wandering eyes”, avoid looking lustfully at other women outside; there is nothing they have that is not available in your beloved wife.
- Mouth: Give your mouth to your spouse. Talk kindly to him or her, let your mouth build your house; let it bring peace to your home and joy to your spouse. Speak to encourage, motivate, praise, build, and make your spouse happy. Speak the truth always, no slander, no curse or abusive words; let your mouth be a blessing. Colossians 4:6.
- Ear: Always find time to listen to your spouse. Husbands most especially should know that women love to be listened to. The quietest of all women will become a talkative of some sort when she is with the person she loves and trust. They cannot just stop talking and they love it when they have somebody that listens to them. Everything is important to be told as far as a wife is concerned once she has a husband that will listen. Learn to listen to your wife, even if you think what she is saying is not important. If it is important for her to tell you, then it must be important for you to hear.
- Time: Musicians use time to make symphony, couples should use their time to make harmony.
City life makes it so difficult for couples to spend time together. In fact, an average city couple spends less than three hours together every day. When I say three hours, I am not saying “intimate hours”, because the television, phones, children, computer games, internet, etc will still take a large chunk of the three hours we are talking about. Most couples do not have “intimate hours” for months. They have what I call a routine marriage, boring relationship, one where everyone seems to be in haste going nowhere.
If you want a better marriage, then create better time together. Spending time together should not be a luxury, it should be a necessity. Pray for it, make it a priority, plan for it and do something about it. The lesser time you spend together, the greater injury you do to your marriage.
- Friendship: Do not just spend time together. Spend time together as friends, talking, playing, gisting, joking, praying, relaxing, etc. There should be no dull moment when you are together. You should be valuable to each other; you should talk and play without inhibitions. Do not just be husband and wife; be friends, be lovers, be intimate.
- Protection: Do everything to protect your spouse and his or her interests. You must protect your spouse from attacks from in-laws, friends, neighbours, etc. Never collude with your family or friends to attack or fight your spouse.
- Money: Be generous in giving. Your family should be number one on your spending plan.
“But if any provide not for family of his own and especially for those of his house, he hath denied the faith and is worse than an infidel”. 1Timothy 5:8
You cannot command the blessing of the Lord if you allow your family to starve. You cannot see his good pleasure if you fail to take good care of your home.
- 10. Your Life Style: If your lifestyle and habits are not helping your marriage, it will be wise if you drop them. Your habits are not cast in marble, you can still change and improve and you can become better for the good of your home. If you are lazy, dirty, talkative, get angry easily, hate being corrected, eat too much, keep malice, nag, etc. Work on yourself. You need to develop yourself, if you want a better home.
Anti-marriage lifestyles must also change, such as extravagance, stinginess, night crawling, gluttony, etc.
- Comfort: Praise, encouragement, comfort, motivation should be part of your gifts to your spouse. Give them in abundance, never allow them to be in short supply; give generously. They are one of the best things you can give to your beloved husband or wife. Note what Rebecca did for Isaac
“And Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah’s tent, and took Rebecca and she became his wife, and he loved her, and Isaac was comforted after his mother’s death. Genesis 24:67
Be a source of comfort to your spouse, encourage him or her and do everything to make your partner happy.
- Peace: “Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy, without holiness no one shall see the Lord” Hebrews 12:14
Make sure you do everything to live at peace with your spouse; no malice, fighting, no quarrels, no nagging, resentment, bitterness, hatred, vengeance, strife, etc. Be a positive partner, take the right step to reconcile, be ready to apologise and be quick to forgive generously, never keep record of offences. Remove anything that can remind you of your hurts; let the Lord take the glory.
- Affection: Love your spouse generously, do not just love, show it, say it, act it, demonstrate it, make love happen, make God happy and give love a chance.
“Dear friends let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God”.
1 John 4:7
Strive to love your spouse, destroy everything that wants to erode your love for him or her. Your marriage cannot survive without love, love your spouse.
- Kindness and Goodness: Kindness is the sincere desire for the happiness of others. Goodness is the activity calculated to advance that happiness.
Be kind to your spouse; think of her, think of positive things you can do to make him or her happy.
Be good to your mate, do things just as an act of goodness and let your spouse be bold to say you are good.
- Sex and Romance: Do not deprive your partner of your body. In fact, your body belongs to him or her not you (1 Corinthians 7:1-5).
Let your spouse be totally satisfied with love action, romance, and sex. Make sure you improve your sex life and never remain on the same spot. Be better, be creative. Satisfy your spouse.
Please, get a copy of our book Sexual Fulfilment in Marriage for an in-depth teaching about sex(Download it on www.familybooster.com). Do not allow your sex life to die or become boring. It is a gift from God, use it wisely and let the Lord be glorified.
Pastor Bisi Adewale is a family and relationship expert; author of Secrets of an Irresistible Wife and more than 70 other books on marriage and family life. You can reach him on email@example.com, 08068312004, 08051512823, www.familybooster.com, facebook.com/Pastorbisiadewale.