by O. S David


It was Mr Lordham father who ordered Mr and Mrs Lordham to see Pa Gabby(as he is fondly called) for counselling due to their incessant fighting and difficult marriage. Pa Gabby is an award winning and foremost Christian marriage counsellor who had put more than 45 years into counseling, working with thousands of couples from their teenage age till their old age. Pa Gabby, use to say “no Marriage is irredeemable in the workshop of God” so he is ready to do everything to make couples live together in love,peace and Joy.

When Mr and Mrs Lordham got to the old counsellor, they didn’t bargained for what they Met, they expect him to counsel them and let them be, he never did, rather he gave them a form to fill, he called it Marriage x-ray, where they are to diagnose their marriage problems themselves while he helped them to proffer solution, It was truly an unusual way to counsel couples who are in trouble in their marriages.

The form consist of the following:

Starting, preparing, learning, praying, forgiving, reconciling, thinking, Acting, Relating, Submitting, loving, talking and romancing.
He asked them to fill the form individually and score their marriage on each of the points on the list,what they scored each other surprised both of them and it helped the man of God to get to the root of their marriage and helped them solved their problems.

I want us to try the same thing on your marriage, let me explain each of the issue on the list before you X-ray your marriage:
1) STARTING: Check your marriage how did you start? Was it in Christ? Was all righteousness fulfilled, did you get your parental and pastoral blessing, was your courtship based on righteousness but full of sexual immoralities? Starting involve choice making, getting started by making up your mind of whom to marry, this must be done with future in mind not to satisfy the present desire. This is where many people miss it, they marry for “Christmas”, they’ve forgotten that every day is not Christmas. If you are in this shoe, sit down with your spouse and see where you both mis it and rebuild your home.
You will need to check your foundation, may be it is the one affecting your marriage.
2) PREPARING: Did you attend any pre marital training? Any counseling session? How many books did you read before your wedding? How many seminars did you attend? Did you really prepared for marriage or you just prepared for wedding?
This involve getting ready for marriage. What did you suppose to do that you never did. who mentored you,who counseled you,did you ever prepare for this marriage or like most people you just prepare for wedding and trust all will be well

3) LEARNING: Proverbs 9:9 KJV
[9] Give instruction to a wise man , and he will be yet wiser: teach a just man , and he will increase in learning.

since you got married how many books have you read? How many seminars have you attended? Who is your marriage mentor? Are you really learning about marriage and family life?

4) PRAYING: how many times did you pray for your marriage per week? Do you pray for your spouse regularly? Do you pray with your spouse daily? Do you have strong, vibrant and consistent family altar?

5) FORGIVING: Ephesians 4:32 KJV
“And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”
Do you easily forgive each other? have you gone beyond keeping offense in your heart?

6) RECONCILING: How many days does it take before you reconcile? Do you regularly involve third party before been able to reconcile? Do you still feel hurt despite reconciliation?
Ephesians 4:26-27 KJV
“[26] Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath:
 [27] Neither give place to the devil.”

7) THINKING: What is in your heart about your spouse? Do you feel you married the best spouse? Do you have hate in your heart towards your mate? If you are to marry now and your spouse is available will you have married him or her?
Ephesians 4:23 KJV
“[23] And be renewed in the spirit of your mind;”

8) ACTING: has your spouse been complaining about your attitude? Do you have many attitude of your spouse you hate?
Ephesians 4:22 KJV
[22] That ye put off concerning the former conversation the old man, which is corrupt according to the deceitful lusts;

9) RELATING: Do your see your spouse as a friend? Do you relate like lovers? Can you easily play together? Can you gist? Do you laugh together, how are you relating with his or her family members?

10) APPRECIATING: Do you say thank you regularly? Do you appreciate little things? Do you appreciate each other for who you are? Do you appreciate the person of your spouse?

11) LOVING: Are you lovers? Are you in love? Do you play love? Do you make love or just mate? Is there atmosphere of love in your home?
Husband are you really a lover of your wife? Do you speak her love language? Does she feel loved?

12) TALKING: Are you talking or just making noise? Do you talk like friends or like rival? Are you passing real message across or you are just blaming and shaming each other?
Ephesians 4:29 KJV
“[29] Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.”
13) LISTENING: How is your listen habit? Do you totally listen or you watch TV as you do? Do you listen with your heart open or listen thinking of how to reply?

14) ROMANCING: Are you romantic? Do you play together? Do you enjoy been alone together? Do you laugh together?
Base on the result gotten when Mr and Mrs Lordham fill their Marriage X-ray form Pa Gabby was able to detect the real problems in their Marriage. But first he explained each of the items on the marriage X-Ray form before helping them to rebuild their love,he called it Marriage Build up.
Marriage involve building up and re-building up,I mean building up everyday,you will have to learn to connect and reconnect,it is a work in progress,it is a journey never destination,there is no time you will be through with the project.
It will help you greatly to use this list to x ray your marriage,examine your marriage and family life. Rebuild wherever you’ve been found wanting and build a better family life a Marriage of your dream.

Pastor Bisi Adewale is a family and relationship expert; author of Secret of Irresistible Wife and more than 70 other books on marriage and family life. You can reach him on familybooster@gmail.com, 08068312004, 08051512823, BB: 2AF5C883, Blog:  www.bisiadewale.com, Website:www.familybooster.com facebook.com/PastorBisiAdewale.Twitter@bisiadewale

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