3 things to do and 3 to never do when one brother is jealous of the other
Usually, the jealous child usually expresses this through bad behavior or temper tantrums when a sibling receives a gift or prize or even parental attention. Usually, they accuse the parents of preferring the brother to their detriment.
Another behavior that may arise is the subtraction and damage of objects belonging to the parents or the targeted brother of jealousy as a way of self-compensation.
Treating children equally is difficult. Each one has a behavior or personality and yet different needs. But it is possible to minimize the differences and highlight the similarities, which must be done while they are still children, as people tend to carry these impressions throughout their lives.
To help if you are experiencing such a situation, here are 3 things to do and 3 to avoid confronting the problem.
Do these 3 things
1. Equality when in a group
Try to treat everyone equally when in a group, if there is any particularity or need, talk to the child who needs more attention away from the others.
Reinforce positive, cooperative behavior, individual skills and the importance of each in the family. If the house is a mess, stimulate the work of everyone and not just the oldest or the girls. A team or team feeling is good for children.
2. Have an equal time with each child individually
Choose a day of the month for each child. Go out with him/her individually. Go to the movies or the park, or even have an ice cream on the corner.
But, let each one have a time where the father or mother – or both – is his alone. Important: If the first had his day with Dad/Mom, everyone should have it. Do not escape from this commitment if you do not want to make things worse.
3. Listen to all sides
It is very common for parents, when they hear their children fighting, they already yell from where they are: “John, what have you done now?” This creates a sense of injustice in the child who is always seen as the pivot of any quarrel or disagreement.
Try to listen to all sides. Phrases like, “What’s going on here?” Give them the opportunity to report. Listen one at a time and try to be as fair as possible.
Do not do these 3 things
1. Never compare
Phrases such as “Why are not you organized (or studious, or helpful, etc.) as your brother?”, Instead of encouraging the child to be better, creates in them the feeling that it is not good enough and that You prefer your brother.
Children have different talents and abilities and should feel good about this difference. Feel unique. Never say “your brother plays soccer better than you”. If you need to say something like that, say, “Your brother is good at football and you are in the picture, two skilled children.”
2. Do not make one child responsible for another
Each child is the responsibility of their parents. If there is “outsourcing”, that is through other people. Do not make your older child care of others.
Do not say that they are already large (when they are not yet) or that they are no longer children when they still are. There are cases where older sisters become so responsible to their siblings and home that they become confused with maids.
3. Do not encourage sibling bullying.
I once saw a mother quarreling with her son and called him a “whale.” I do not know how a mother might be able to do such a thing and still in public. The boy, who was about 7 years old, was actually overweight, however, and it was mainly his mother’s fault that she was creating nicknames and stigmata for the boy.
The result was his two brothers laughing and shouting “whale, whale!”. Anyone can put themselves in the boy’s shoes and imagine how he felt.
Unfortunate!
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