4 Ways That A Discussion May End The Relationship
Discussions are good and important for solving problems in marriage, but some attitudes produce the opposite effect: they generate anger, hurt, and detachment rather than producing the expected understanding.
Below are 4 attitudes during a discussion that will put everything to lose:
1. Criticize
You criticize your spouse when he transforms something wrong that he or she did in an accusation against your character.
For example, you ask your husband to buy a certain brand of laundry soap and he brings another. Instead of saying “You brought the wrong product! Did you pay attention to what I asked for?” You say “You do not do anything right! You’re an idiot!”
Other examples of criticism in couples’ daily lives
“You’re so insensitive!” When he forgets an important date.
“You can not trust what you say!” When he can not make it to the promised time.
“You do nothing but eat!” When your wife is overweight.
“You’re an irresponsible one,” when she’s late to pick up her son at school.
This is a “lethal negativity” to marriage when it accumulated in the heart of one or both of the spouses.
2. Change the voice and have aggressive behavior
People often associate “arguments” with “fights”, which is a big misconception. To discuss is to exchange ideas, to put the drops on the is, something totally necessary for a couple that wishes to understand and to live well. People fight only because they do not know how to argue correctly.
One of the ways to destroy the relationship is to allow an argument to end in a fight. This transition usually begins with a change in tone of voice and can lead to aggressive body postures. The only thing the couple will be able to do this is to generate even more heartache and sadness. And nothing to solve the problem!
3. Compare
Each person is unique and it is an illusion to think that by making comparisons you will get your husband or wife to behave like someone else’s “wonderful” spouse.
Those who suffer from comparisons may give up trying because they are (mistakenly) certain that they will not be able to. That is, [she] can make excuses for doing nothing.
So apart from not helping your spouse, by comparing it with other people, you will be destroying your self-esteem.
4. Give a silence treatment
Giving a silent treatment is to stop talking to someone, ignore him for some time, as a form of punishment or to avoid charges. It is a form of emotional abuse that aims to impose one’s own will.
People who adopt this pattern often find the other to be the culprit; manipulative, disrespectful and counterproductive.
There are still other harmful attitudes during the discussions, such as victimization, debauchery, physical abuse, etc. What is important is to keep in mind the purpose of the discussion, which is to resolve the conflict, and not create new problems. With that in mind and a good dose of patience and understanding, it becomes easier to focus on what matters and work to break the bonds and rescue the marital peace.
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