5 LEVEL OF CONFLICT ESCALATOR IN MARRIAGE
All conflicts start off with something mild, sometimes insignificant until one or both marriage partner gets ‘mad’ at each other, then, the whole thing picks up. We have six levels of conflict. It is like an escalator (lift) in your office; it comes one after the other. If you stay longer on one, you find yourself on the other.
1. Leaking water level. Here, a problem is discovered with different ideas and viewpoints. It is like “should we buy a red or blue car? if it is not handled well at this level, it moves to the next one(Prov. 18:15-17).
2. Lake Level. This is the level of disagreements, self-defense, self-protection, self-glorification, self-justification and rigidity. At this level, suspicion is heightened and trust lowered. Love is affected, defensive communication comes in, and all manners of evil character come into focus, things like nagging, stubbornness, demonstration of anger, and so on. (Prov. 14:29).
3. Flood Level. At this level, the objective is not even about solving the problem but about winning. Hope is affected, affection is destroyed and caution is thrown into. the wind. Frustration grows, while competition, blame, accusation and contention begin to dominate marriage; psychological game-playing and manipulation are common at this level. (Prov. 15:18).
4. River Level. This is the fight-to-fight level. At this stage, fighting is common. Avoidance is not strange. The couple attempt to hurt each other, revenge, blame or shout at each other. At this level, caution is thrown to the wind. At this level, couples may even be involved in illicit extra-marital affair. At this stage togetherness is broken, untouchables are many, relationship becomes cosmetic, anniversary is forgotten and friendship is broken.
5. Ocean Level. This is total war level. The couple at this stage focuses on each other’s personalities. They are not only ready to hurt but to destroy each other. At this state, disappointment is evident.
Regret of ever knowing each other, wife battering is common and shame is removed. They are ready to fight openly and use every opportunity to speak against each other. They seem not to have any hope of saving the relationship. They really do not believe their differences can be resolved. Eventually, they may still be together because of their children, family, joint projects, church, culture, neighbours, etc. Romance and sex are long dead at this stage, while care of their children begins to suffer.
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