7 habits that transform the life of any couple into a martyrdom
A lot of people say marriage is complicated. Of course, life in common has its tribulations there, but the fact is that it could be much easier if people did not complicate so much. Do you agree?
Pay attention to these habits that, over time, thwart the possibilities of maintaining a healthy and happy relationship:
1. Do not respect individuality
Differences in temperaments are very common among spouses, after all they are two individuals who choose to live together. Without understanding, the spouses begin to demand that the other act in their own way and then two conflicting situations may arise.
The first is when the spouse is recent to the charges of the partner and starts to refuse to do what the other wants. The second, even more dangerous, is when one of the spouses cancels his or her own personality and starts to do only what the other person likes.
In either case, sooner or later, the couple’s harmony will be compromised.
2. Do not control finances
Financial issues are grounds for endless discussions among many couples. The lack of an organization that satisfies both creates intense and often life-threatening conflicts.
Basically this occurs in two situations: when spouses are raised with diverse economic status and when changes in family income arise. The different ways of looking at what is necessary and superfluous then take on a large proportion.
3. Do not seek consensus
If agreements are important in the definition of any organization in marriage, what concerns the raising of children is crucial. When father and mother do not understand each other, children always take advantage of these loopholes to make their own wills prevail.
Thus, besides corresponding to the great danger in raising children, this is also a situation conflicting for the couple. When father and mother do not seek to “speak the same language” they compromise the entire family organization.
4. Allow the intervention of relatives
In the book Mediating Conflicts in Relationship with Two, it dealt with this subject in a chapter entitled “Inherited Beliefs.” Understand that families of origin only invade the couple’s space when the spouses allow their “inheritance” to be more imperative than the will of the two.
This is a rather complex issue, because the invasion is often unconsciously allowed. The lack of assertiveness in the definitions of the roles of each family member of origin in the organization of the new family is the cause of so many problems.
5. Let routine prevail
The responsibilities that devastate the life of any couple, as well as the routines that do not correspond to the will of the two, usually cause great separation between the spouses.
If they do not immediately interfere with this situation, they can get to the point where they no longer recognize themselves. I often say that long relationships should be reviewed and renewed periodically.
A Psychotherapist, who specializes in relationships, states that: “The crisis is the lack of intimacy.”
6. Lack of dialogue about the relationship
The word discussion can give a pejorative sense, even more to people who are terrified of the so famous DR; prefer the word dialogue, which is considered more appropriate.
Dialoging presupposes speaking and listening so that there really is understanding. Lack of dialogue is the major reason for relationship failures, because people do not express themselves in a way that is understood or heard in the sense of understanding the other. It is through dialogue that agreements are built that guarantee the satisfaction of both.
7. Discuss the relationship continuously
Repeating the problems of the relationship constantly makes coexistence unbearable; No one can stand it for long. Charges, moodiness, and irritability become constant in couples who argue too much.
Problems must be faced and resolved, dragging them into fruitless discussions only complicates any situation.
Knowledge is only useful when used to improve behavior. If you have diagnosed some of the above habits in your relationship, do not delay in pursuing the necessary changes.
Article by Akinbode Toluleke check up Twitter on taakinbode
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