7 people who should not give their opinion on raising their children
Every woman knows the weight of a hunch when she becomes a mother. The flurry of tips, suggestions, diagnoses and assessments comes from all sides, even from distant relatives and unknown people.
It is possible that this behavior is only a reflection of our culture, which was conceived in a society where the popular wisdom was passed down through the generations, but even if the hunch is practically instinctive, to face it naturally can be complicated in certain situations.
Most people have good intentions in their tips, but that does not mean that you should abide by them. Knowing how to discern between counsels and respond in a firm and polite manner according to each situation are fundamental behaviors to affirm your posture without losing your class and even hurt someone close to you or your family.
Intimacy through coexistence generates affection and affection generate care. When we like someone we want the best for this person and we want to see them well and happy, that is why we often share experiences and even intervene in certain behaviors.
Grandparents are the main people who think about child-rearing, which to a certain extent can give parents security, but when the interference becomes exaggerated, it can stress and bring the parents’ sense of incapacity towards their children.
Another risk is the breaking of family ties simply because there is no agreement between opinions. According to Franciele, in those moments the best way to face the situation is to emphasize that you are the parents and would like to try another possibility, but will reassess the tip offered at another time.
With grandparents coexistence tends to be more constant and lasting, so it is possible that the “rain of hunches” never really ends. Evaluate each guess as if it were the only one and confirm that the tip is not good for the moment, just smile, thank and dismiss the advice politely. Family Ties Thank You!
2. Friends that do not have children
Who has never heard advice from people who have not even entered a maternity shoot the first stone. Whether she’s the single best friend or that considerate aunt who’s never married, guesses can come at any stage of her life.
Often these friends think they know what is best for you and your children just for the simple fact that they know you. Even though there is a careful relationship between you, it is important to set boundaries so that the inconvenience does not interfere with the friendship and generate future friction.
Explaining your point of view as a mother instructing the conversation so that the person understands how much more practice is needed than theory may be enough to avoid unwanted opinions in the future.
It is normal to talk with colleagues on a variety of subjects, including family and children. And if it is normal to talk about this subject, surely guesses about it is what will not miss. While it is perfectly normal to bother with certain comments from people with whom we have a professional relationship, it is important to remember that she may just be wanting to be empathetic, looking for familiarities.
Accept the advice with a smile and tell us how you would like to do it your way. After all, there are thousands of details about your family that it would be impossible for anyone to know them without the conviviality. Stay firm in your posture, but keep your work and good relationship with your colleagues as well.
4. Your child’s teachers
No matter what grade your child is in, whether in nursery or even high school, there will be a teacher ready to thrill about your child’s education. The truth is that while it is advisable to listen to the tutor of your little ones and all their pedagogical wisdom, your child will behave differently at home and at school.
Even if the teacher is responsible for the education of his child while he is under the roof, the evaluation that he may be able to do should be restricted to the school, that is, he should not give an opinion on the way you raise your offspring, Except in some cases.
Have a frank discussion with the teacher or even with the school board if needed. The school should not be responsible for the formation of the child’s personality, this duty (and right) lies with the parents. So be aware and do not be afraid to intercept any unsolicited opinions.
5. Parents of friends from school
Picking up children at school can be an exercise in patience for some parents. No, I do not mean the crowded gate full of crowded parents like at a stock market auction. I speak of imminent situations where at any moment a “supermother” or a “superpai” can emerge ready to launch his best magical advice, often intruding on the conversation between. Although the face does not express the best features at those hours, take a deep breath. Often the smile and the silence are the best combination.
Besides the parents, there are uncles, aunts, cousins, cousins, in-laws, sisters-in-law, nephews, godparents and a multitude of people who make up their family. They all want to spend a little of what they know and they all want to show attention. Soon they will all give you some kind of advice on how to raise your children at some point in your life.
Holiday parties and other family gatherings may be the perfect time for a “guess attack,” especially if the kids are small. Opinions about feeding, sleeping habits, and pedagogical activities are the champions of relatives you have contact with sporadically.
Just as in the case of grandparents, it is important to be careful when choosing words to dispense advice, but the importance of keeping your decision as sovereign is the same. Talk about your vision, but do not go on. The decision is yours and you should not show it to be debatable. Who knows what is best for the children are the parents and decisions of any nature fit only for them.
7. People on the street
What to do when you’re in the queue, your child cries for being impatient, and even before he can calm it down, the gentle lady at the front turns to a thousand possible solutions and diagnoses? For many mothers this hypothetical situation is the worst one involving guesses about child rearing.
If we do not know the people, we tend to become more rude and less understanding, without fear of hurting. Talking about what you think at the moment is almost instantaneous, and a cross-over answer may be inevitable.
To avoid such times, the smile tactic works well. Rejecting advice with a short look and answers may prevent unwanted conversation from lingering, as well as “educate an adult” in relation to other moms.
Being a parent is complex and no child comes with an instruction manual. Listening to the experience of the other can be important and valuable, but all with limits and within the possible.
Creating healthy children is to educate them with limits and affection in exact proportions. That way we will be preparing our little ones for the conviviality with the world. Giving boundaries in an affective (polite and sincere) way to our relatives and friends is a way to put yourself properly in front of this situation. In this way, we teach our children in an illustrative way and also reinforce the hierarchy of the family.
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