7 SECRETS OF MARITAL SUCCESS
Bisi Adewale
Ecclesiastes 9:9 KJV
[9] Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest all the days of the life of thy vanity, which he hath given thee under the sun, all the days of thy vanity: for that is thy portion in this life, and in thy labour which thou takest under the sun.
A marital success which is one of the most important successes in life eludes lots of so-called high fliers today. All round success should begin at home.
I got this story on a site recently. I think you should read it, then check your own marriage, learn and make corrections. It was titled: SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE, UNSUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE.
Tom was a very successful man, a top consultant, highly sought after around the world. Everything seemed to be working for him; a weekly six digit income, a nice car, house, a beautiful wife and three children. He was also named the second best consultant by the most influential newspaper in town. Then his income skyrocketed. He arrived home after working his typical 12-hour day and was looking forward to a relaxing evening. After several attempts to open the front door, he realized that something wasn’t right. The locks had been changed. His wife had finally made good on her threats to end their marriage. His addiction to work and perpetual justification that he was providing a comfortable lifestyle for his family would no longer cut it. Their lives would be altered forever. He would never again routinely wake up under the same roof as his children and would assume child support and alimony payments for years to come. Both spouses would have to adjust to their assets being cut in half and eventually deal with their partner finding another relationship. Their family would be torn apart.
Of course, Tom never saw it coming. He thought his strong work ethic was admirable and didn’t perceive the resentment building in Ann or the distance growing between them. He ignored the red flags and believed that presents could replace presence. Ann, however, was tired of his excuses. She had felt lonely and angry for a long time and the couple had lived as roommates for several years. The disconnectedness had become intolerable to such extent that she had finally decided that the conflict in the household and lack of emotional affection between her and her husband were more damaging than a divorce.
Both Tom and Ann contributed to their marital failure but in different ways. Each was devoted to one area of life, whether it was work or the children, but neither did a good job balancing the rest. Their marriage received the scraps that were left over at the end of the day. She tried to get him to change, but her badgering and mothering approach caused him to retreat further into his work cave. He avoided confrontation and worked long hours as an alternative to communicating about their conflict. When they did communicate, they expressed their negative emotions in hurtful and vindictive ways.
WHAT YOU CAN DO TO HAVE A GREAT MARRIAGE
1) START RIGHTLY: Good beginning can make the journey right. Don’t base your marital choice on beauty, money, wealth; position and so on. All these don’t last.
2) PREPARE ADEQUATELY: Your level of preparation will determine your level of success in marriage. You have to get ready for marriage; don’t wait to get ready in marriage.
3) THINK POSITIVELY: Always think positively about your spouse. Let your mind go to him or her to do well. Don’t think about hurting your mate.
4) COMMUNICATE EFFECTIVELY: Talk like friends, lovers; talk in love and for love. Learn to talk to your spouse, not at your spouse.
5) REACT POSITIVELY: When you are hurt or your expectations are not met as will happen often, let your reaction come from maturity, patience love and wisdom. Avoid argument, bitterness, malice, resentment and conflict.
6) BE A TEAMMATE: Work with your spouse as a teammate, not as a rival or competitor. Marriage is not an Olympic game. Exist for your spouse, not against him or her.
7) LIVE A BALANCED LIFE: People at the top of their fields put in an extraordinary amount of time and energy and that often leaves not much for their families. The spouse gets tired of waiting to become a priority and leaves for someone who will pay attention to her. The lie that you can have it all is just that – a lie. Choices get made, sacrifice too. Some people are attracted to the money aspect of success, but money doesn’t take the place of love, and they are left wanting. Happy marriages are created when the idea of success is defined by being successfully married, not successfully employed. Note that your success is incomplete until you have success at home, so do everything possible to make your marriage work.
