9 Major Factors That Determine The Success Of Your Marriage
Marital success is not based on luck as many people believe. Marital failure is not hereditary, and a turbulent marriage is not in the gene.
That your parents’ marriage is enviable does not automatically mean you will enjoy the same. Just because your parents’ marriage crumbled does not mean yours will end up the same way. Those things that combine to determine the state of your marriage is what I call 9 major factors that determine the success of your marriage.
- Your Relationship With God (Psalm 23:1-3). If getting to green pastures and still waters in marriage are your dream, if getting your home restored is your own goal, then God must be your Shepherd. Before God can be your Shepherd, you must be a sheep and not a goat.
You must be a child of God. When God becomes your Father, He begins to lead, correct, direct and even carry you. He will be with you, He will lead you to make the right choices and also be with you in marriage. Genuine conversion is the key. Living your life daily for God is the access into a lifetime of a blissful and joyful home. Getting acquainted with God in daily prayers and study of the Word and living in absolute holiness is the best gift you can give to yourself and your marital life.
- Your Foundation (Psalm 11:3). The right foundation is a pointer to a great marriage. A wrong foundation is the pillar of a turbulent marriage. If you get married on a shaky foundation of beauty, money, gift, outlook, talent, wealth, background, lust, sex, etc, you might have sentenced yourself to a lifetime of agony and pains; but if you base your foundation on Christ Jesus, seeking the face of God in prayers, patience and counsel, going into it under the cover of divine direction, committing into a pure courtship and an honourable wedding, you’ve clearly laid a foundation of joy, peace, intimacy, love and harmony in your home.
- Your Preparation (Proverbs 16:1). Your preparation will also determine your marital destiny. The question is, how prepared are you for marriage? Are you just preparing for the wedding? Most people spend the majority of their time preparing for the wedding without spending enough time to prepare for their marriage. This is totally wrong. If you want a blissful home, prepare physically, materially, socially, financially, spiritually, morally, emotionally and intellectually for marriage. Failure to prepare is a preparation for failure. Read marriage books, listen to audio CDs, VCD, DVD , attend seminars, attend pre-marital training and marriage schools.
- Prepare your mind to leave your parents and cleave to your spouse.
- Prepare to love your wife and serve her. Ephesians 5:25
- Prepare to submit to your husband, respect and obey him. Eph. 5:22,33
- Prepare to be a solid father and mother.
- Prepare to succeed in marriage.
- Who You Are. Most people fail to ascertain who they are before getting married. Emphasis is usually on getting married to the best person. To get a good home, you need to change who you are, if you are not the best you should be. Check your character, habit, communication skill, relational, capacity, etc. All these must be re-trained if they are not okay because that is the only way you can make the most of your home because your character is your marriage.
- Whom You MARRIED. Of course, who your spouse will be also has a great effect on your marriage. If you marry an unbeliever, a backslider, a drunk, an occultic person, a cultist, etc, you are not likely to find it easy in that marriage. If you get married without any considerations for the future of your marriage but base your outlook choice on the outlook of the person without considering his/her character and relationship with God, you will definitely regret it.
- What You And Your Partner Carry. People carry different pieces of baggage unknown to them. Some carry good things like blessings, anointing, divine blessings, godly seeds, the covenant of peace and joy while some people carry ancestral curses, evil covenants, evil patterns, parental curses, the spirit of failure, etc. Look closely at your marriage and prayerfully deal with any negative thing you and your partner are carrying in the place of prayer and deliverance. You will find it difficult to prosper in life and marriage if any of you is a carrier of evil.
- What You Do. Your job, the job of your spouse and how you are able to balance them with your family life will also determine the success and otherwise of your marriage. If you make your job your number one priority, thereby abandoning God and your spouse in the process, it will have a negative effect on your family life. Your number one priority should be God, your spouse, your children, and then your job. Please, set your priorities right.
- How You Think. The state of your mind will end up being the state of your marriage. Your mental attitude will determine your marriage altitude. Many people have wrong conceptions about marriage, opposite sex, love, parenting, in-laws, sex, etc. Many people believe marriage is not to be enjoyed. Some men say: “Women are necessary evil”, “The place of a woman is at the foot of her husband”, “Women are good for nothing but for food, sex and baby making.” Some women also believe that: “Mothers-in-law are bad”, “All men are liars and not to be trusted”, “Men are terrible people”, etc. These kinds of thoughts are bad and they will determine your attitude towards your spouse which in turn will destroy your marriage if you don’t deal with them now.
- The Company You Keep. “He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed”. (Proverbs 13:20). If you keep company with people of good values for marriage and family life, it will show in your marriage. If you do anything otherwise, it will also show in your family lives. Who are your friends? What are their values? What is their relationship with God and other families like? You are not likely to rise above the company you keep and people you hang out with. I am giving you the next point as a bonus but a very important factor that can not be overlooked if marriage will succeed.
- Your Readiness To Serve. Most people get married looking for somebody who will serve them. One of the most difficult marriages is the marriage of two care-hunters. They end up hurting each other. For your marriage to be the best, you and your spouse must grow up to be, not care-hunters. Rise up to serve each other and don’t see marriage as 50/50 situation of serve-me-I-serve-you. Give your service a hundred per cent as unto the Lord and see God turning your marriage around for good.