10 Signs You Are Emotionally Ready for Marriage—Not Just Desperate - Bisi Adewale
There is a dangerous confusion many singles carry today: they mistake desperation for readiness.
Wanting marriage is not wrong. Longing for companionship is not weakness. God Himself said, “It is not good for man to be alone.” But desire alone does not qualify a person for marriage. Many people are not running towards marriage, they are running away from loneliness, pressure, age, shame, fear, or comparison.
As a marriage clinician, I have sat with too many couples whose greatest regret is not who they married, but when and why. Marriage exposes what dating can hide. It magnifies maturity, and it brutally exposes emotional immaturity.
So let me speak to you with love, clarity, and truth.
Here are 10 signs you are emotionally ready for marriage, not just desperate.
1. You Want Marriage, But You Don’t Need It to Feel Whole
Emotional readiness begins when marriage becomes a desire, not a rescue mission.
If you believe marriage will heal your wounds, validate your worth, silence your insecurities, or complete your identity, you are not ready, you are vulnerable. Marriage does not fix broken people; it reveals them.
A ready single says, “Marriage will add to my life, not save my life.”
A desperate single says, “If I don’t marry soon, something is wrong with me.”
Wholeness must come before partnership.
2. You Are Comfortable Being Alone Without Feeling Lonely
There is a difference between solitude and loneliness.
If being alone makes you anxious, restless, or emotionally unstable, marriage will not cure that discomfort, it will multiply it. Many people marry just to escape silence, only to discover that the loudest loneliness is in an unhappy marriage.
Emotional readiness shows when you can enjoy your own company, sit with your thoughts, and not panic because there is no one calling, texting, or affirming you.
If you cannot be alone without breaking down, you are not ready to be together with someone else.
3. You Are No Longer Rushing Love Out of Fear of Time or Pressure
Marriage entered by pressure will soon feel like a prison.
If your urgency to marry is driven by age, family pressure, social media comparison, church expectations, or fear of being “left behind,” pause. Desperation whispers, “This may be my last chance.” Maturity says, “I would rather wait than suffer.”
Emotionally ready singles do not marry to prove a point. They marry with peace, not panic.
4. You Can Handle Disagreement Without Shutting Down or Exploding
Marriage is not sustained by love alone; it is sustained by emotional regulation.
If every disagreement makes you withdraw, sulk, shout, threaten breakup, or punish with silence, you are not ready. Love requires emotional stamina—the ability to talk, listen, process, and stay present even when uncomfortable.
An emotionally ready person does not fear conflict; they know how to manage it without destroying connection.
5. You Have Healed (or Are Actively Healing) From Past Emotional Wounds
Unhealed pain does not disappear in marriage, it reappears as suspicion, insecurity, control, jealousy, anger, or emotional distance.
If you are still bleeding from past relationships, childhood wounds, parental neglect, or betrayal, marriage will not heal you, it will trigger you.
Readiness does not mean perfection, but it does mean awareness, accountability, and commitment to growth. A healed heart chooses wisely. A wounded heart chooses urgently.
6. You Are Not Looking for Someone to “Save” You
Marriage is not a rehabilitation center.
If you are hoping marriage will fix your finances, stabilize your emotions, give you direction, or make you responsible, you are preparing for disappointment. Two empty people cannot pour into each other.
Emotional readiness shows when you take responsibility for your life, your healing, growth, discipline, and direction, without expecting a spouse to become your savior.
7. You Can Love Without Losing Yourself
Desperation clings. Maturity connects.
If you easily abandon your values, boundaries, convictions, or voice just to keep someone interested, you are not ready for marriage. Love should not erase your identity.
Emotionally ready singles can love deeply without becoming emotionally dependent. They can say “no” without fear, express disagreement without guilt, and maintain self-respect even in affection.
8. You Are More Interested in Building Than Impressing
Desperate people perform. Ready people prepare.
If your focus is wedding pictures, public approval, ring size, and social validation, but you are avoiding conversations about communication, finances, intimacy, conflict, and purpose, your priorities are misplaced.
Emotional readiness is revealed in preparation, not packaging.
Marriage is not sustained by attraction, it is sustained by wisdom.
9. You Are Willing to Learn, Adjust, and Grow
Marriage humbles everyone.
If you believe you already know everything, struggle to apologize, resist correction, or see feedback as an attack, you are not ready. Marriage demands flexibility, teachability, and humility.
An emotionally ready person says, “I am willing to grow for love.”
A desperate person says, “Accept me exactly as I am or leave.”
10. You Choose Peace Over Panic
This is the clearest sign of readiness.
Emotionally ready singles are not frantic. They are not begging God, manipulating relationships, or forcing connections. They trust timing. They trust process. They trust God.
They would rather wait in peace than marry in chaos.
Desperation settles. Readiness waits.
Final Word to Singles
Marriage is beautiful, but only for those who enter it prepared, not pressured.
Do not rush into a lifetime decision to cure a temporary emotion. Loneliness is uncomfortable, but divorce is devastating. Waiting is painful, but regret is heavier.
That is why my book, Preparing for Marriage, is not just for singles, it is also a resource for pastors, church leaders, and counselors who guide young couples. It provides practical steps, deep wisdom, and powerful tools that will help you build a strong foundation for marriage.
Order for your copy via the link in the comment session
Prepare your heart. Heal your wounds. Build your emotional strength.
When readiness meets the right person, marriage becomes a blessing, not a burden.
©️ Pastor Bisi Adewale
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