How to deal with a breakup
Breakups can be torturous, the feeling of having your heart broken is a solid “absolutely terrible.” Many of us have here at some point, and there is a lingering question of how to get over a broken heart.
That feeling when someone you love so much, tells you he/she is no longer interested. You look back at all the promises and times shared. You really never saw it coming.
Even if the relationship lasted just two weeks or five years, breakups leave us feeling heartbroken, lost and even ill (physically).
There are no quickfire ways to avoid heartbreak after a heartbreak (except you’re an insensitive robot), there are no immediate solutions, but since you cant around the hurt, there are ways to go about it—even when you might feel as you might never be happy ever again.
“The first thing you need to anticipate, no matter where you are in the process, is that there is a grieving [period]. There is a sense of abandonment, there is a sense of terror about the future, there is a disappointment… There is a process of going from us back to me.” Sheri Meyers
Read Also: Humour – Key to a fruitful relationship
Here, we share some advice on how to deal with a breakup.
Say it, write it, share it:
Breakups leave us with a lot of unpleasant feelings as a natural impulse to the situation, we seem to want to avoid our emotions and these will eventually stop you from getting past them.
There are lots of after-emotions that comes with a breakup situation like — anger, sadness, loneliness, feelings of rejection and uncertainty about the future — and it’s important to stare them head-on. Especially in the early stages of a breakup, try to let yourself feel what you feel, without judgment.
- Put down your feelings in writing.
- Allow yourself to shed a tear or two.
- Share your state of mind to a non-judgemental platform on social media, school or religious organization (church).
- Talk to a therapist, a close friend or even parents as this can help you during the healing process and gain clarity on why the relationship never worked out and why you’ll be better off without your ex.
“You’ve gotta feel,” says Meyers. “If you feel like crying, cry. If you’re pushing your feelings down, they’re just going to make you calloused or afraid.”
2. Love yourself, Eat Bananas:
This is opposed to the socially inclined ‘love yourself’ used on Social Media, as this refers to the fact that you have to begin to give yourself time to heal in the sense of nutrition and diet.
A “breakup diet” might seem a bright idea — we think that pretending to look better after a break-up is a perfect way to get revenge on that ex — but in reality, you’re punishing yourself, bringing back that feeling of rejection. (You’re also encouraging yourself to have an unhealthy appetite for junk food).
Take your time with your diet, eat nourishing foods that are high in fibre, protein and nutrients to boost your mood and energy.
After a breakup, our bodies might require a lot of sugary food because it needs it to fuel the anger and spite that we might feel inside. At this period, a diet of vegetables and most all ‘Bananas’ (the happy fruit)would do you a lot good.
“avoid mindless eating and try not to turn food into a coping mechanism. Don’t worry about indulging a little, but try not to keep too much junk food around, as foods that are high in fat, sugar and salt can actually contribute to higher levels of the stress hormone cortisol.”
3. Move that body:
During the period of grieving over a breakup, the body doesn’t want to do much. It just wants to sit around, do nothing but grieve and feel pitiful. You mustn’t let this be the case.
Exercising might be the last activity you want to engage in, but simply getting out of your feelings and focus your attention on your body can be helpful.
“After a breakup, we tend to want to sit and cuddle and huddle and cry, and talk to our girlfriends and feel bad about ourselves,”
“So getting out and moving is really essential because it’s almost the opposite of what we feel like doing, which is shutting down and feeling sorry for ourselves.”
Do not use the exercise as a route for punishing yourself but make sure you are accompanied by friends, an early-morning jogs in the park, at the gym with a trainer to supervise — best accompanied by friends.
5. Take your time:
Most people find it tempting to cool off the pain of a breakup by going into another new relationship. It’s a dangerous adventure, “rebounding” as it’s called is not wise, as it can negatively impact your new relationship and also lead you into another wrong person and future heartbreak. It’s an act of desperation.
Afford yourself enough time to grieve and fully put your emotions in order before moving on. This defers from person to person.
- Avoid depressing songs, movies or books that feed your poor mood, do more dancing and outdoor activities.
- Bad mouthing your ex, isn’t the way to go also. It just gives the impression that you’re just been hateful and spiteful.
- Never call or text him/her asking them why they left you. Doing this gives them the power to control and manipulate your emotions. You might end up been used.
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