How To Save Marriage: 9 Tips That May Be The Starting Point
When two people marry, they surely expect this to be a long-lasting relationship and bring happiness. However, unfortunately, some situations, behaviors and even reasons unrelated to the will and knowledge of those involved may lead the couple to face moments of crisis in marriage.
There are several reasons why marriage can lead to a “serious crisis”, such as believing that you are the truth holder, not sharing dreams and ideals, not supporting your spouse or stop having fun and laughing at each other (especially in the most turbulent times). Lack of communication as the main reason that accentuates the crisis in marriage.
An important point is to know that in all relationships – including the happiest and most durable – there are periods of “greater closeness” and periods of “greater estrangement” between the couple. The birth of a child, for example, a race in employment, unemployment, among many other events can generate higher levels of stress – which, inevitably, can lead to discussions and even some distance between the spouses. However, keeping in mind the importance of dialogue, everything is usually solved in the best way.
However, often a couple is slow to perceive or avoid accepting the problems and, in this way, the situation can get worse, bringing up the sad question: “how to save the marriage?”
There is no recipe for this question, which is very personal, however, if you look at some “advice” can be the starting point for a couple to open up to new possibilities, decide to stay together and fight for your marriage.
1. Do not move away from the other
It is necessary to end the vicious cycle that usually happens when marriage does not go well. The cycle of: being hurt, moving away from the other, not talking, not trying to solve the issues and, with that, remain injured and thus go on giving continuity.
In order to put an end to this situation, according to the psychologist, it is necessary that the person diminishes the certainties that he has of life, that he stops believing that he is the holder of the truth.
You have to listen to the other and ponder before you become reactive. Talk, instead of being irritated by believing that you are not being understood, seek to punctuate what you do not agree with.
2. Invest in small gestures
A common mistake among many couples, especially those who have been together for many years, is to think that the other has already been conquered and does not miss small gestures of caring and attention.
It is important, then, to insert some feelings and attitudes in the day to day, like admiration, mutual exchange of affection and companionship. How about starting (or coming back) saying “good morning” as soon as you wake up; wish the other a “good job” before leaving home; At night, ask how was the day; Why not give a “seal” every time you meet again throughout the day and / or go to different places? They are simple gestures, but they can make all the difference in the couple’s routine!
3. Assess and change one’s behavior
When a marriage does not go well, the person is more likely to “blame” the other for it. But, it’s important to stop and reflect: What has been my role in this bad phase of the relationship? Have I also contributed to the situation worsening or am I actually trying to save the marriage?
It’s worth remembering that no one saves a marriage on their own, just as both parties are often working together to make the marriage miserable. That is: you can not blame the other for everything! You have to evaluate the relationship as a whole, recognize your own mistakes and, if necessary, change some of your behaviors.
No need to wait for the other’s attitude. If you want, for example, a more romantic atmosphere in the relationship, give it to him and talk to him about his tastes – do it without charge, but through positive attitudes and demonstrations.
4. Remember that communication is a powerful ally
Recognizing that marriage is not going well, a very important step is to remember that communication is the foundation of any relationship. Believing in the myth that at the time of the crisis, ‘the less I say, the more I keep my feelings, the time goes by and everything is resolved’ is not effective.
Communication is the best tool in marriage for resolving conflicts and diverging views. It is necessary to remember that both come from different families, with different customs.
Marriage is the formation of two individuals with different universes, values and beliefs. The truth is not in the view of either side, but in the new way of seeing that both will create together. This takes time, dedication, patience and will.
5. Get out of the rut
Marking a trip that you have always planned to make or even make a quick weekend trip are great opportunities to attract the mood of romance. But, of course, traveling is not the only option to get out of the rut.
Who has children, for example, can seek a moment alone between the couple for a pleasant conversation, for the exchanges of affection.
The couple can go out to dinner, go to the movies, or do any program that they have not done for a long time and which, of course, will stimulate good living and affection between the two.
6. Look for a couple therapy
Seeking therapy in moments of uncertainty, conflict or emotional pain is a decision favorable to behavioral change and maintenance of well-being, because the limits are enlarged, the limiting beliefs are questioned, giving rise to new possibilities.
7. Remember how it all began and admire the other
Try to remember how you first met, how you fell in love, and decided to live together. Talk about it, of course, without forcing the bar, in a natural way!
Remember the qualities you saw in him. Often, admiration is sidelined over the years, leaving room for the exaltation of defects and grievances in the relationship. So, in this moment of crisis in marriage, it is very important to remember that there are no perfect people.
However, from the moment that there is love, which is expected to have a good coexistence, the way of seeing the partner must contain doses of compassion and affection.
But, of course, this is no excuse to idealize the partner! Again, communication is the key word. Respecting the other is an obligation in a relationship; close your eyes to behaviors you do not agree with, no! So the way is to talk!
8. Do not despair
If you hope to save your marriage, know that it will not happen overnight. One must act, of course, but also have good doses of patience.
At this stage, you can not isolate yourself, try to solve the issues yourself, become aggressive, hopeless, anxious about time, expecting results fast.
9. Assess how “worthwhile”
Whoever wants to have this relationship is “forever”. However, sometimes this is not fulfilled. In some cases, “staying together” means giving up your own happiness and values.
So, in a moment of crisis, it is important to stop to reflect: Can I really save this marriage? Is that what I want and this is what my partner wants?
How to know how “worthwhile” is worth? If love still exists, everything can probably be right. However, “when one does not want to, two do not”. So if, between the two, or, for at least one side, “love is over,” it can be difficult to move on.
But, to save the marriage, are there rules? Certainly not! Each case is unique and must be respected in its particularities. What is essential is the dialogue between the couple and no one else!
Only the two parties involved can enter – or not – into an agreement and thus rekindle the love and desire to be together – which were probably the feelings that brought them together!
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