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A Must Read: Physically Challenged Man With 2 Masters Degree And A beautiful Marriage Speaks to Dailyfamily.ng On Marriage And Other Issues,
BANKOLE ABE
A Physically Challenged Man With 2 Masters Degree And A beautiful Marriage Mr. Nasir Aruna has spoken to our correspondent, Bankole Abe on various issues concerning his marriage, career and other issues.It is definitely a must read.
GIVE US A LITTLE BACKGROUND ABOUT YOURSELF
My name is Nasir Aruna from Edo State, I am a vibrant young man.I am from Edo state. Education, I have a masters degree in statistics from the university of Lagos I also have an MBA from the same university.I currently work with the Lagos Business School.I am a research fellow.
WHAT DO YOU DO AT THE LAGOS BUSINESS SCHOOL?
I am involved in writing and publishing of paper, contributing to knowledge both in the academia and professionally.I am majorly into data research and analysis using data as it may require.
SIR, WERE YOU BORN LIKE THIS?
No, I was not born like this, History as it that at eleven I had Measles and was taking to the Hospital, The nurse was not supposed to administer an injection, she did and that led to the paralysis. I have never had a mental picture of myself ever standing.
WHAT ARE THE CHALLENGES YOU FACED?
It has not always been a bad story.I have a father who is my role model.He never sees me as a physically challenged child.The same treatment other children got was the one I got.He sent me to a public primary school. Oki Primary school at Alaguntan here in Lagos. The only difference is, He picks me up and drops me.He also sent me to a boarding school for my secondary school.My Mother cried and cried.How can you send him to a school where he will have to fetch water and do other things himself? but all those things prepared me for the challenges of life and I thank my late father for it.
HOW DID YOU COPE IN THE BOARDING SCHOOL?
That brought up new challenges One key thing I learnt from my stay in the boarding school is that l don’t have to be with people that will make it work faster, take your time, enjoy the process but get it done by yourself. My siblings and my wife will always say Nasir is full of himself but I prefer to take my bucket of water to the bathroom myself, It might take you two minutes to do that and five minutes for me, nut I take great pleasure in doing it myself.I learnt to be independent and it came with a lot of discipline.
HOW WAS YOUR UNILAG DAYS
I gained admission to Unilag in I998 to study mathematics, which was against my will but the God factor again came up.I had always wanted to study Computer Science.So many people are discouraged because they think they are where they are because they didn’t do what they wanted to do bu tGod has a way of orchestrating our destinies to our advantage.Six Months into Unilag, I lost my Dad.It was painful. Unilag came with its own challenges, I will have to go through the stairs with my wheelchair to get to the lecture hall.At a point, I discovered I have to swallow my shame, crawl down and up to get to the class and fellow students look at you with disdain.I graduated in four years and I learnt that, if you can swallow your shame, You can be whatever you want to.
NATIONAL YOUTH SERVICE CORPS
I went for service like any other person.I served between 2004-2005, at first I wanted to influence my posting but after A second thought, I allowed the will Of God to prevail.
AFTER NYSC
After I came back from service there was no job.People will tell you, who will give you a job with your condition? but my case was not peculiar, there are so many able bodied men who have no job, then it dawned on me that my inability to get a job is not because I am physically challenged
HOW DID YOU MEET YOUR BEAUTIFUL WIFE?
When I went back for my masters in Statistics. I am a Christian and I am proud to be.Wherever I am, I like to associate with Christians We were both members of the Postgraduate Christian Fellowship. She was the VP, while I was the prayer secretary and relationship was not on the card. Then I was almost reluctant to go for my masters but now in retrospect, I thank God I did. I believe in a cause I am desperate for it I have a mental picture of what I want.I said this lady she is too quiet but again I have to allow the will of god play out.So we spoke and because we had been close, it didn’t take her too long to accept but the family it took them almost two years to even see me.so because it is God’s will doesn’t mean it is automatic.Eventually, they saw me and God took over from there
WAS THERE NO OPPOSITION FROM HER FAMILY?
She said no because of family pressure.I was depressed for two years.
Of course, there was opposition.They ask me do you have a job, I had a job but it didn’t appear to a lot of people that I had a job because you come to my house at 12 pm, you will meet me with my Laptop working.The two years it took for them to meet me was because they were opposed to the whole thing.I want to advise my fellow physically challenged people, what you call opposition is not really opposition.Is people’s love for their children. One riff-raff will not enter my house and say I want to marry your daughter.Do you have a job? NO, can you feed yourself and he says no, I won’t allow that
My first meeting with her elder brother was like an interview. I have to think well before I answer the question. He asked me an important question.can you impregnate a woman? You can imagine how embarrassing that question is but it must have been foolish for me to flare up because I have not impregnated one before, the truth was I don’t have an answer.I want to advise men, don’t lie to impress, just say it as it is.
He also asked, Are u sure the paralysis have not affected you to the point that you cannot have children?
even me I have to answer the question by faith.
WHEN DID YOU EVENTUALLY GOT MARRIED?
4th of august 2012.I t was a glorious day.As of January of that year if anybody tells me I will marry in August I will say it’s a lie because I have not even met her family then.I met them in April not long we had our introduction and we picked August. Again if it is God’s will, the resources will always be available.
WHAT ARE THE CHALLENGES YOU ARE FACING IN MARRIAGE
Challenges in marriage, I have seen learning points, not challenges because we come from two different backgrounds,we must try to understand each other..All my life I have been independent but my wife is not like that.it was almost causing rift between us but the beauty about marriage is that our differences actually complements each other.
TO YOU WHAT ARE THE BASIC INGREDIENTS FOR A SUCCESFUL MARRIAGE?
If you ask me, I know people will say is God but when you ask them how, they can’t explain If she does anything and I scold her, God will ask me is that how I scold you, I am the head of the house but I have a supreme head which is God.
No 2 ingredient is mentorship, from the start, we both know we might make mistake, there is the tendency to disagree,so we look for a particular man and say we submit to your authority, that no matter what, you have the right to summon us and this is what most marriage is lacking. By the grace of God, our marriage will be five and nobody has ever settled any dispute between us.even my mother has never heard us quarrel.
WHAT IS THE STRENTH OF YOUR WIFE?
My wife is a good listener, she will allow you say all the story, she will listen and when you are done, she has a kind demeanor that will make you retrace all you have said.Men should hear this, I have done things that she will say you should have done it this way and I will think deep and discovered she was right.
TELL US ABOUT THE ARRIVAL OF YOUR BABY
Milcah came December 23, 2013, I should let you know that during the interview at the wedding, they asked my wife.Didn’t you think about your sexual satisfaction..we had not had sex before but when I was asked,I told them we have not had sex before but in nine months time, they will come for the naming ceremony of our baby but after nine months, the baby didn’t come and I told myself I will not put myself under any pressure and eventually the baby came.I want to model my children after God.I want her to know if I say I will do this, I will do it. My daughter coming into my life is another way of making me responsible.it has been a wonderful experience
WHAT IS YOUR ADVISE TO FELLOW PHYSICALLY CHALLENGED PEOPLE?
First, always know that you are made in the image of the Lord. ,whether Blind,tall,short,lame.You are what God sees. You are an image of God.give yourself peace.God created you uniquely. The second thing I want to say is, be a friend don’t be a burden, each time you see me the first thing that should come to your mind is not that he will want me to help him now. Somebody said in Unilag in those days, “I don’t see his wheelchair.” I don’t like to be a burden, if it takes me five minutes to wash my clothes, I will take pleasure in doing it myself..Thirdly, God, nothing is possible without God. Life will throw some things at you. You need God, I didn’t say you need Church. Everybody needs God.
THANK YOU, SIR
You are welcome
ALSO READ:
I Have Lived With My Mother-In-Law For 5 years without A Single Misunderstanding-Mrs Grace Aruna
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