It was a Saturday afternoon in Block 6, Gaborone, and the smell of grilled beef and boerewors hung thick in the air. Kagiso wasn’t even supposed to be at that braai because he’d gone to drop off his cousin’s speaker and ended up staying because a girl in a yellow dress was laughing so hard at something her friend said that she nearly dropped her plate.
That girl was Boitumelo, a primary school teacher with a laugh that made strangers turn their heads. Nine months later, they were officially “that couple”; the one everyone said had it figured out.
Somewhere between the excitement of new love and the comfort of routine, good relationships start slipping through small, repeated habits nobody names out loud.
Relationship life isn’t meant to be perfect, but it is meant to be manageable, and clarity beats pressure every single time.
You’ve probably read “communicate more” a hundred times, and honestly, it hasn’t helped much because it’s vague.
If you’re reading this, pay attention.
If you’re already in something you’re building, this is your checklist.
Part One: The Physical Habits That Chip Away at Love
1. Constant phone distraction during shared time - When you’re physically present but mentally somewhere else, your partner feels it. Put the phone down when you’re together; presence is a gift, not a given.
2. Neglecting personal hygiene and appearance - This isn’t about vanity. Feeling attractive to each other keeps affection alive, and letting yourself go completely tells your partner effort has stopped.
3. Poor sleep and rest habits that fuel irritability - Exhausted people argue more and forgive less. Protecting your sleep is protecting your relationship.
4. Skipping physical affection like hugs and hand-holding - Non-romantic touch builds security. Its absence creates quiet distance long before words do.
5. Ignoring your partner’s physical space and boundaries - Whether it’s snooping through their bag or overriding their “no,” disrespecting physical boundaries erodes trust fast.
6. Letting your health decline without addressing it - Untreated stress, weight changes, or illness you refuse to talk about becomes a burden your partner silently carries too.
Part Two: The Mental and Emotional Killers Nobody Warns You About
7. Assuming instead of asking - You cannot read minds, and pretending you can leaves your partner feeling unseen.
8. Keeping score of who did what - Relationships aren’t scoreboards. Tallying favours and mistakes breeds resentment that eventually spills over.
9. Stonewalling during conflict - Shutting down and refusing to engage feels like punishment to the person left talking in silence.
10. Comparing your partner to exes or others - This one cuts deep and offers nothing constructive. It only teaches your partner to feel inadequate.
11. Dismissing your partner’s feelings as “too much” - Emotions aren’t inconvenient interruptions. Minimising them teaches your partner to stop sharing altogether.
12. Using guilt as a control tool - Manipulating someone’s emotions to get your way damages trust in ways that are hard to repair.
13. Refusing to apologise sincerely - A half-hearted “sorry you feel that way” isn’t an apology. It’s a dismissal wearing an apology’s clothes.
14. Bottling up frustration until it explodes - Small irritations left unspoken don’t disappear; they compound and erupt disproportionately later.
15. Public criticism or humiliation - Correcting or mocking your partner in front of others damages their dignity and your bond simultaneously.
16. Withholding affirmation and appreciation - Silence where encouragement should be makes a partner feel invisible in their own relationship.
Part Three: The Goal-Getting Killers That Quietly Sabotage Futures
17. Discouraging your partner’s personal ambitions - Love should expand your partner’s world, not shrink it. Support their goals even when they don’t directly benefit you.
18. Refusing to plan for the future together - Living purely in the present without shared direction leaves both people anxious and unanchored.
19. Financial secrecy or dishonesty - Hidden debts, secret spending, or lying about money destroys trust faster than almost anything else on this list.
20. Making unilateral major decisions - Big life choices made without consultation tell your partner their voice doesn’t matter in shared matters.
21. Neglecting personal growth once “settled” - Coasting after commitment stalls both individuals. Growth should continue, not stop, once you’re official.
22. Isolating your partner from friends and family - Cutting your partner off from their support system, even subtly, breeds dependency and quiet resentment.
23. Losing sight of shared purpose - Couples who never revisit “what are we building together” drift apart even while sharing the same bed.
Nobody wastes away in love because they lack feelings.
They waste away because nobody told them, clearly and kindly, what to look out for.
Now you know.
Do something with it.
