By Bisi Adewale
— Positive thought pattern will build positive marriage let me show you negative that can destroy any home. Each one has a name to help teach, remember, and apply in counseling or teaching settings.
Thought: “He/She is too privileged to marry me.” Breeds insecurity and a sense of inferiority that weakens emotional connection. Healthy Belief: “We are both God’s gift to each other.”
Thought: “We’re just lucky to have married each other.” Sounds humble but promotes passivity. Marriage demands intentional growth, not luck. Healthy Belief: “We are divinely paired and must nurture it deliberately.”
Thought: “My spouse should just know what I want.” Kills communication and builds resentment. Healthy Belief: “I must lovingly express my needs.”
Thought: “If I’m not happy, this isn’t working.” Marriage becomes all about personal pleasure—not mutual purpose. Healthy Belief: “Marriage is a journey, not a jackpot.”
Thought: “If this doesn’t go my way, I’ll leave.” Undermines trust, safety, and commitment. Healthy Belief: “We’re here to work through, not walk away.”
Thought: “All men/women are the same.” Destroys individuality and stifles intimacy. Healthy Belief: “My spouse is unique and deserves trust.”
Thought: “I must always win arguments.” Turns love into a power game. Healthy Belief: “Winning means we both feel heard and valued.”
Thought: “If you love me, you’ll never hurt me.” Creates unrealistic expectations and leads to deep disappointments. Healthy Belief: “Real love forgives and grows through flaws.”
Thought: “I will fix or change my spouse.” Breeds control and rejection. Healthy Belief: “I will grow myself and inspire change by example.”
Thought: “Other couples are happier or better.” Steals joy and creates false standards. Healthy Belief: “Our journey is unique—we build our own success.”
Thought: “I don’t trust them—something is wrong.” Leads to paranoia and distance even when there's no evidence. Healthy Belief: “Love believes the best until proven otherwise.”
Thought: “I’ve done more, so I deserve better treatment.” Turns love into a competition. Healthy Belief: “Love gives, not calculates.”
Thought: “I’m here to enjoy their money and lifestyle.” Marriage becomes transactional, not relational. Healthy Belief: “Marriage is a covenant, not a business deal.”
Thought: “My spouse exists to serve me.” Leads to dominance, selfishness, and abuse. Healthy Belief: “Marriage is a partnership of mutual service and honor.”
Thought: “Sex is something I give only when I’m pleased.” Reduces intimacy to a reward or punishment system. Healthy Belief: “Sex is a mutual gift, not a tool of manipulation.”
Thought: “That’s not my job at home.” Leads to resentment, imbalance, and burnout. Healthy Belief: “We share responsibilities as a team.”
Thought: “As the man, I owe no one explanation or help.” Fuels pride and emotional disconnection. Healthy Belief: “True manhood serves with humility and vision.”
Thought: “My family must come first, even before my spouse.” Destroys marital unity. Healthy Belief: “Marriage creates a new family unit with top priority.”
Thought: “It’s you I married, not your family—I don’t want to see them.” Fuels division and tension. Healthy Belief: “Honoring in-laws without dependency strengthens our union.”
Thought: “It’s all about what I want and need.” Erodes teamwork and mutual care. Healthy Belief: “Marriage thrives on shared sacrifice and togetherness.”
Thought: “The children are your responsibility.” Breaks unity and builds bitterness. Healthy Belief: “We are joint stewards of our children.”
Thought: “I don’t owe my spouse quality time.” Leads to emotional starvation and loneliness. Healthy Belief: “Time is the currency of love; I must invest it wisely.”
Thought: “As long as I’m providing, how I spend doesn’t matter.” Destroys financial transparency. Healthy Belief: “Financial unity is vital to marital peace.”
Thought: “My parents' ways are better—we should follow them.” Invites strife and dishonor. Healthy Belief: “We can honor both families while creating our own culture.”
Thought: “Sex is dirty or unspiritual.” Causes sexual frustration and distance. Healthy Belief: “Sex in marriage is pure, beautiful, and God-designed.”
Thought: “I can forgive anything, but not this one.” Builds bitterness and blocks healing. Healthy Belief: “Forgiveness is a gift I give to myself and our future.”
Thought: “What will people say if I stay or leave?” Lives for public opinion instead of private truth. Healthy Belief: “We build our marriage for purpose, not popularity.”
Thought: “Submission means slavery or silence.” Breeds control and rebellion. Healthy Belief: “Mutual submission brings honor and balance.”
Thought: “Marriage should always feel like the first few months.” Sets unrealistic expectations. Healthy Belief: “Love grows deeper through seasons of change.”