Many young couples are living this exact reality. You are building something that feels like a relationship, but one person is doing all the heavy lifting. It is exhausting, lonely, and it quietly damages your self-worth before you even reach marriage or children.

These signs are clear once you know what to look for. Spotting them early can save you years of silent frustration. Here are seven honest signs you are dating yourself – and simple, grounded ways to handle each one.

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1. You are always the one initiating contact

You send the first “How far?” on WhatsApp every morning. You call when you have not heard from him in two days. He replies hours later with “Sorry, I was busy.” This is the biggest red flag. A real partner wants to reach you too.

What to do: Try a 7-day “no first move” experiment. Let him initiate. If the silence stretches, have the honest talk: “I’ve noticed I’m always the one checking in. How do you feel about that?” His response will tell you everything.

2. All the dates and plans come from you

You are the one suggesting “Let’s go to that new buka in Lekki this weekend” or “Remember we have church programme together.” He just shows up – or cancels last minute because of “fuel scarcity.” planning is effort. When it is one-sided, you are carrying the romance alone.

What to do: Next time, say, “Babe, I would love us to plan something together this month. What do you have in mind?” If he still waits for you, it is time to ask yourself if this is the kind of teamwork you want long-term.

3. Emotional support flows only one way

You listen to his work stress, his family wahala, his football disappointments. When you have a bad day or share your fears about money or family pressure, he changes the topic or says “You too dey overthink.” Relationships need two people who can lean on each other.

What to do: Be direct but calm: “I need to feel heard too, the way I hear you.” Watch if he steps up or gets defensive. Small consistent change is better than big promises.

4. You make excuses for his lack of effort

“He is busy with side hustle.” “Men don’t express feelings like that.” “It is the Nigerian economy stressing him.” You defend him to your friends and even to yourself. Excuses protect the relationship but slowly kill your peace.

What to do: Write down three recent examples of low effort. Read them out loud to yourself. Then ask: “If my sister or best friend described this, what would I tell her?” Be that honest with yourself.

5. Milestones and special days feel lonely

Valentine’s, your birthday, his mother’s birthday, even small wins like passing that professional exam – you are the one buying the cake, sending the voice note, or organising the surprise. He shows up empty-handed or forgets entirely.

Celebrations should be shared joy, not solo performances.

What to do: For the next special day, do nothing extra. See what happens. Use the moment to say gently, “I felt a bit alone on my birthday. I would love us to celebrate each other more.” His reaction shows whether he is willing to grow.

6. Future talks are one-sided

You talk about “when we get married” or “how we will handle school fees for the children.” He gives vague answers like “Na God go decide” or changes the subject to something lighter. A partner who sees you in his future talks about it too.

What to do: Have one clear conversation: “I need to know we are building the same thing.” No pressure, just clarity. If he still dances around it after two honest talks, you have your answer.

7. You feel more tired than happy after spending time together

After dates or evenings together, you feel drained instead of refreshed. You are the one carrying the conversation, managing the mood, making sure everything goes smoothly. A healthy relationship should add to your energy, not subtract.

What to do: Start protecting your own peace. Schedule time for yourself – that solo trip to the market, evening walk, or time with your girls. When you stop over-functioning, the imbalance becomes impossible to ignore.