by O. S David


No sane human being goes into a marriage with the plan of quitting after a few years down the line, but we found out that so many marriages actually crash after a few years.  I have listed here a few signs to watch out for which if not checked can lead or contribute largely to a marriage crash
*Stonewalling – People who stonewall simply refuse to respond. Occasional stonewalling (or shutting down) can be healthy as a defense mechanism, but as a typical way of interacting, stonewalling during conflict can be destructive to the marriage. When you stonewall on a regular basis, you are pulling yourself out of the marriage, rather than working out your problems. Men tend to engage in stonewalling more often than women do.
Waiting For Your Partner To Initiate Sex:
Sex should not always be a one way traffic thing,  if you allow it in your marriage, it becomes more of a duty on the part of the “initiator” rather than fun which should be enjoyed by both of you. This can lead to infidelity, so you need to watch it.

Trying to avoid fights with your partner:
You are not doing your marriage any good when you try to avoid quarrels, fight or arguments in your marriage, you are actually storing things up for a future harvest which may snowball into divorce.
It is important to let your spouse know your mind on everything you are not comfortable with even if it degenerates into shouts and arguments. In most cases your partner will understand you, even if he/she does not agree with you, as your marriage matures you will find more matured ways to pass across your messages.
*Defensiveness – Adopting a defensive stance in the middle of conflict may be a natural response, but does not help the relationship. When a person is defensive, he or she often experiences a great deal of tension and has difficulty tuning into what is being said. Denying responsibility, making excuses, or meeting one complaint with another are examples of defensiveness. Both partners are usually guilty of defensiveness during arguments and this tends to be the the most prevelant and most harmful of all the Four Horsemen.
*Bad Relationship with In-laws :
In some tribes, when you marry from their family,you must have it in mind that you are marrying the entire family,  if you want to have a long lasting marriage you must strive to maintain good relationship with your in-laws. They can make or Mar a marriage if you try to neglect them, some in-laws can be very troublesome and they don’t mind the consequences.

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*Criticism – Criticism involves abruptly attacking your partner’s personality or character, rather than focusing on the specific behavior that bothers you. It is healthy to air disagreements, but not to attack your spouse’s personality or character in the process. This is the difference between saying, “I’m upset that you didn’t take out the trash” and saying, “I can’t believe you didn’t take out the trash. You’re just so irresponsible.”

Dishonesty : if you cannot be trusted to tell the truth most of the time by your partner. You are guaranteed that your marriage is heading for the rocks.
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