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What to do when marriage becomes boring

by Yomi Adewale
Marriage, boring

A marriage is said to be healthy when there is room for growth. On the other hand, when a marriage is not growing, it becomes boring. In other words, it dies gradually unless immediate actions are taken for its revival and restoration. This situation is inevitable where married couples are not making deliberate efforts to spice up and work on their relationships so as to bring the very best out of it.

The fact remains that marriage involves a lot of activities. For some couples, such activities may be narrowed to a few areas of their relationship like talking about children, work, kitchen, but to mention a few. Also, some actually relate to matters that touch their hearts and emotions deeply.

Also read: 7 reasons why your relationship is boring

Severally, I have been confronted with this question: What should I do when marriage becomes boring? If you are in this situation, here are things married couples can do either together or individually to bring their relationship back to life:

1. Take stock of the present state
You need to know areas in your relationship that are unhealthy and gone down. There should be a critical review of things and situations in your marriage. This should be done with all sincerity without blaming each other for the present state of things.

2. Take responsibility
Playing the blame game will not resolve issues. You should be ready to take responsibility for what has gone wrong and be ready to take positive actions in the right direction for the betterment of your relationship.

3. Take positive steps
Having critically reviewed the state of your relationship and making yourself ready to re-ignite the spark, you need to take positive actions in the right direction. Such actions and steps involve the following:

(a) Identify the monotonous routine: Your daily routine such as meals and mealtime might have become monotonous. There is a need to pay special attention to what has impaired your excitement and boxed you to a situation of no creativity

(b) Discuss observations with your spouse: Call the attention of your spouse to your observations. Please do not argue or defend yourself. Have a possible and open mind towards the discussions. Do not get angry if your spouse does not align with you, be patient.

(c) Be ready to spice up things: Marriage needs to be spiced up with many activities beyond the daily routine. Introduce special delicacies and strategic outings to celebrate special dates like birthdays, wedding anniversary, etc.

(d) Embrace new activities: Lookout for special places and activities that will improve bonding between you and your spouse. It may be old activities you have abandoned such as those you enjoyed while courting your spouse before getting married, etc. Learn new things of great value for the good of your relationship.

(e) Work on your friendship: Revive the friendship between you and your spouse. Bring back your ‘gisting’ skills; Bring up good points of discussion; Enjoy being together; Enjoy your bedroom activities; Become a pleasant person; Forgive generously and erase hurtful memories; Be happy with your spouse and marriage.

(f) Acquire new skills: Lack of relationship skills is harmful and can ruin such relationship. Every couple must develop certain skill like communication skill, relational skill, financial management skill, parenting skill, conflict management, romance skill etc, these skills will boost the relationship and help build a robust marriage and family life

(g) Go for counsel: There are instances, where couples need a counsellor, who is ordained by God, who is grounded in the knowledge of marriage and who will not be biased. He or she will be able to encourage you and help put things straight in making your family beautiful, colourful, joyful and fruitful

(h) Commit everything into God’s hand: God is the author of marriage. To get the best out of your relationship, He must be informed and involved. You need Him at every junction of your marriage because without Him, you can’t go far. In fact, you need God to complement your individual or joint effort.

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