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While Writing My Bestseller, I Discovered That The Main Problem In Marriage Is Sex

by Bisi Adewale

While Writing My Bestseller, I Discovered That The Main Problem In Marriage Is Sex

Prominent for his best-selling book, Secrets of an irresistible wife, with other 107 books, Mr Bisi Adewale, a life coach, marriage counsellor, digital entrepreneur and Chief Executive Officer, Familylifers, shared his life journey with Segun Kasali. Excerpts:

What were the challenges of going to school with seven other siblings in a village in Ondo?

Although my parents are not educated, they love education. They tried to the best of their ability to give us quality education. When I graduated from secondary school in 1990, my result was very woeful. And because of my younger ones who were catching up, my father said “to rewrite your examination, you have to fend for yourself.” It was the West African Examination Council (WAEC) examination at that time. I came out with three credits, distinction in Yoruba, Agriculture and Biology. What kind of result was that? What would you use it to do? I used to say one can only use that to gain admission   into a university to become a herbalist. It was a very woeful result.

How did such happen?

Youthful exuberances got us distracted and we looked for ‘expo’ which was called ‘pampa’ in our own days during examinations. So, that made us to relax. I could remember a time they brought a prophet from a white garment church to the school to pray for us to pass our examinations. He asked us to submit our pens and everyone wrote their names on theirs. On a Saturday when no teacher was around, the pastor came, looking like a giant with a very big shoe and he was like Jesus. So, he prayed for us. After the prayers, he said we should put matches in a bucket and bring to him. After pouring water into it, fire was ignited and it began to burn. He said that it was the sign that God has answered our prayers and that everyone would come out in flying colours (laughs). And that was how everyone was jubilating. It was later that someone came and told me that the man added camphor to the water that made fire to burn. So, the so-called pastor just cashed in on our ignorance to extort us. By the time we got into the examination hall, we discovered that the ‘pampa’ we relied on was totally fake. So, it was too late to prepare and the pen the pastor said would write, did nothing. When the results came out, we failed woefully.

After all that happened, something came upon me in the middle of the night which I termed “self-audit.” This made me weep for hours, thinking about the next thing for me in life. I think what actually helped me was the fact that my immediate younger brother was just a class behind me. I thought of the fact that if I did not do something immediately, he would overtake me. That was really the motivation. So, I sat and told myself that I needed to have a five-year plan. I felt if I stayed back in that village and still kept the same company of friends, I would not pass my examination and fulfill my plan. So, I decided to travel to Lagos to meet my elder sister. She was just an NCE holder, working in one nursery and primary school and living with an uncle of ours. I told her I wanted her to help look for a place for me, not in the city of Lagos, but where nobody would know me. At that time, one of my friends back in school shared the same mindset of reorganizing our lives and he made up his mind to join me in Lagos. So, my sister helped us to look for accommodation in a place called Iworo-Ajido in Badagry. At that time, one needed a canoe to cross to the place.

How did you survive there?

Nobody knew us in the place. We just got ourselves registered for another senior secondary school certificate examination (SSCE) in a school there. They did not allow us to attend school like regular students. So, my friend and I had to sit to study hard by ourselves; we became so serious and desperate to pass the examination. Eventually, we wrote the examination and came out in flying colours. So, I began to look for admission after having a successful O’Level result. But I was not able to secure any.

Why?

It was because the university I applied to did not have the course I wanted to study, which was Mass Communication; that was because I really love writing. However, after spending three years or more at home without admission, a friend of mine told me to settle for a polytechnic instead of wasting my time. So, I eventually studied Accounting as against my initial plan of studying Mass Communication at Osun State Polytechnic Iree, Osun State. So, towards the end of my Higher National Diploma (HND) days, the Lord spoke to me that “You won’t be somebody that would be practising Accounting, but wants me to work among families.” I then began to make a lot of research on family life. So, when I wrapped up at Lagos State Polytechnic where I had my HND, I went full blast into it by getting the necessary training I should about family life. Hence, Family Booster Ministry was launched and God blessed me with a God-fearing wife even though our meeting was unimaginable.

How do you mean?

I met her at the Osun State Polytechnic, Iree. We were both studying Accounting there. When we got to know each other, but I was not looking in her direction at all. She was very good while we were in secondary school. But for me,  it was the first time I was hearing debit and credit in my life, and it was so tough for me. To make matters worse, our financial accounting lecturer walked into the class three weeks into resumption and said we were to write a test and I knew nothing. So, he gave us a test and about a week after, he gave us the result. I scored 1/20. So, I went to our fellowship centre to take my burden to God. At the service that day, it was time for testimony. So, my wife came out and said “Praise God! They told us during orientation that your Grade Point (GP) starts from first test and I thank God that I started well. Some people scored 1, some scored 2, but to the glory of God, I scored 18/20.” You know it was like she came there to attack me directly. So I felt she was mocking me and I began to avoid her and saw her as a very proud person.

When did you realise she was the one for you?

That was when the Lord told me that she is my woman. I felt ‘this one? This lady that is very arrogant and pompous?’ So, I did not know where to begin. But something unusual happened. As of then, I had already become part of the leadership of the fellowship. Her room mate walked up to me after service one day and said ‘Brother Bisi, I want to see you. My room mate is difficult, arrogant and what have you’. So, I asked ‘who is your room mate?’ and she mentioned my wife’s name. I was like this girl again? I said ‘okay, I need to talk to her.’ So, I asked her to come and see me in my hostel with her. When both of them came and she narrated her own side of the story in the presence of that lady, I began to see another angle to the issue between them – that it was the lady that was totally at fault, not my wife. You know my judgment? She (my wife) was the one I blamed.

Why?

I wanted to see her reaction again. I asked her to buy a notebook for the lady even though the lady was the one who misused hers and by the time she reacted, they started blaming her. To my surprise, she acted as instructed by me. So the room mate came back rejoicing. Right there, the Lord told me that ‘can you see now that your former picture of her was a wrong one?’

So, when did you hit the nail on the head?

On the 7th of July, 1998, I told her about it and she was like I should allow her pray about it. By that time, she had already begun her HND at the same school, while I was at Lagos Polytechnic for mine. So, I asked when to come back for an answer. She said I should come back in December and that was six months away. I was like ‘see arrogance again. God, do you see what you have done to me now?’  Eventually, on December 18 of that year, she agreed and we started our courtship. On May 4, 2002, we got married.

Which of your books brought you to limelight?

The book that brought me to limelight was entitled “Secret of an irresistible wife.” The book sold itself unimaginably. I discovered that the major problem in marriage is sex. So, I began to make research and speak to a lot of women, looking for how to solve the problem. I wanted to write a book, Sexual Fulfilment in Marriage, but because the content I got was too much, we had to bring out three books from one and the one we did not think would sell out, eventually did. And that gave me a lot of dollars. It opened a lot of doors. That was the first time I was introduced to the Winner’s Chapel and a lot of people began to invite us abroad. So, it became the flagship of all our books.

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