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Why Are You Still Single?

by Kufre Ekpo


Of a truth, it’s not easy being single, especially when friends, family members, and coworkers start questioning if you’ll ever walk down the aisle. Eventually, you start to question yourself: Will I find the right person? Is something wrong with me?

Before answering those questions above, it’s important to realize that many people are contented living a single life. But if you are not, the following five points may lead to some insight as to why you can’t seem to settle down.

1. Not Ready For Commitment

If you are a serial monogamist or juggle several relationships at once, you are probably not preparing to commit to one person for the rest of your life. Every single human being, whether male or female wants both freedom and stability.

For men, the option of remaining single indefinitely makes settling down less of a necessity. Men are likely to roam the earth until they are good to settle down. They prefer sowing their wild oats until they have reached 40 years, and nobody blinks an eye.

A major problem especially on the male side is the fear of making a permanent commitment. In the past, people worried, am I going to settle down with the right person? Am I doing this because of societal pressure or because of unplanned pregnancy?

However, men are not the only ones afraid of commitment. For most women, being single is a choice, and many are reluctant to give up their territory as well. The steady increase of women in the workforce means that they do not longer have to married for economic reasons.  Women now fear losing control in a relationship just like men.

2. No Love Life

To be truthful, love won’t come looking for you. It is your responsibility to look for love for your lover by getting out there looking for someone to meet. It is advisable to meet an average of five people in order to the person you may eventually love. Out of those five people, there is likely one of them may be your soulmate.

If you having trouble meeting potentials date, shake up your routine. Sing up for class, or volunteer in your community. Find something you like to do, and you will increase the chance of meeting up with someone who shares your interests.

Nobody likes a workaholic. Many relationships fail when one partner is obsessed with so much work. If you are constantly cancelling dates due to work-related emergencies, you may be hiding other problem.


3. You Are Picky

Assessing what you need and what you want from a good relationship is a good idea, but don’t go overboard. Many of us have a checklist of characteristics we look for in a partner and relationship. When one item in the list is not met, we automatically dismiss that individual as a prospect.

Indeed, many modern relationships sound more like a business merger than a human merger. You want your ideal partner to be financially stable, but you don’t want (him or her) to care more about making money than coming to see you. A good relationship should be about two people caring about each other.

If you want specific height and weight requirements, or insist that your date drive a certain car and wear certain clothes, you have lost sight of what is truly important. When you find someone you call best friend and the person is happy and productive in life, that is all you be want.

In reality, a marriage Counselor would advise that we can’t get everything we want from one person. Stop looking for someone to be your all, and start developing a healthy relationship with all the people in your life. Keep your friends and outside interest.

When a couple works together as a team instead of melting into a “we” a good relationship is very possible.

4. Don’t Over  Past Relationships

We all have baggage, but many people let failed relationship affect their self-esteem, about relationships. When a relation doesn’t work, it shouldn’t detract from who you are. Women who have been burned several times in relationships may decide to remain single. Those who have been abuse or misused are likely to choose not to be involved ever again. As a relationship crumbles, they blame themselves and don’t recover as fast as men do.

Men have their own baggage but tend not to give up as easily. A man has to be in a relationship with a real psycho or have been married a couple of time before he thinks about never getting involved again in marriage.

Take advantage of your time alone to reflect on past relationships. Being single is a time to learn how to make a healthier and happier choice. Before getting involved again, determine who you are as a person. Figure out your quirks, likes, dislikes, and decide what you really want and need in a relationship.

5. Getting Desperate

For some of us, the pressure to get married started at age 25. By the mid-thirties, people will start raising eyebrows. After 40, people start gossiping about your inability to find someone.

At this time, experts believe that the sense of urgency to get married is ten times worse for women. That pressure makes many women choose unsuitable partners to please others. Ask yourself; Are you going to settle for anybody, or should you wait until there is another opportunity? It may take you a long time to find someone.

By keeping the need for a mate in perspective, it gives people more choices to learn how to date smart. Recognize when you are compatible with a person and when the potential for a healthy relationship is here.


Single people suffering from marriage anxiety tend to give off signs and signals that frighten prospective partners away. Dating is a chance to get to know someone, but it shouldn’t feel like an audition. When you relax and take the pressure away, love will find you when you least expect it.

In a meantime, concentrate on yourself. Live your life and look best at all times. After all, you never know when you might meet that special someone.


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