Should Church Leaders Counsel Couples Before Engagement

Engagement season is always beautiful. The surprise proposal, the ring, the tears, the photos, the excitement. It feels like the beginning of a fairytale. But beneath all that joy, there is a quiet truth many couples do not talk about. Marriage is not just a celebration. It is a lifelong commitment that requires preparation.

In many churches, couples are counseled after they are already engaged. By then, families are involved, invitations are being discussed, and emotions are high. Even if serious concerns come up during counseling, it can feel almost impossible to step back. No one wants to disappoint their partner or explain to everyone why the wedding is suddenly on hold.

But what if the conversations happened earlier?

Imagine a couple sitting with their church leader before a ring is ever bought. No pressure. No wedding date. Just honest conversations. How do you handle money? What happens when you disagree? How involved will your families be? How do you want to raise children? What does faith look like in your home?

These are not romantic questions, but they are real ones. And they matter.

Love has a way of making everything feel possible. When you are deeply in love, differences can seem small. You may tell yourself, “We will figure it out later.” But later often becomes harder. Marriage does not remove differences, it magnifies them.

Church leaders have seen many marriages. They have watched couples struggle with issues that could have been discussed earlier. They have also seen relationships grow stronger when both people enter marriage with clear understanding and shared values. Their guidance can sometimes reveal blind spots that couples do not see on their own.

This is not about doubting love. It is about protecting it.

Pre engagement counseling creates space for reflection. It allows couples to ask difficult questions without the fear of canceling a wedding. It encourages maturity and patience. It reminds both partners that marriage is more than chemistry and connection. It is responsibility, compromise, faith, and daily commitment.

Of course, counseling should never feel like control. Church leaders are there to guide, not to decide for the couple. The goal is not to approve or disapprove a relationship. The goal is to prepare hearts and minds for what lies ahead.

Taking time before engagement does not mean something is wrong. It means you care enough to build wisely. It means you value the future more than the excitement of the moment.

Because at the end of the day, a strong marriage is not built on how beautiful the proposal was. It is built on understanding, honesty, and preparation.

Sometimes the most loving thing a couple can do for each other is slow down, ask the hard questions, and seek guidance before saying yes forever.