Authoritarianism: The Long-term Psychological Scars of ‘Tough Love’

The phrase ‘tough love’ is often invoked as a badge of responsible parenting or leadership adopting strict rules, high expectations, and swift punishment framed as necessary for building character. Yet beneath this well-intentioned label frequently lies a form of authoritarianism; that unbending rigid control, absent/low warmth, and obedience demanded without question. The father speaks and everybody cowers in fear that admonishment is very direct and a pronounced ‘How dare you question what I say?!’ attitude.

In the days of yore, parents would decide everything for and on behalf of the children and expect absolute compliance, just like the soldiers on the battle field, leaving no room for introspection or self-awareness to sieve through the conclusion of the parents’ statement. This has been the practice in many homes, giving a rise in children who also continue the trend unto other generations.

But has this been the best form of parenting? The world is changing, so why are our parenting options not involving to accommodate these changes? Are we losing the battle too soon?

From children becoming rebellious at the instant they gain admission into the higher institution, especially outside of the state of residence, behavioural changes adjust these kids to become almost strangers from the word go! Have they been waiting for the opportunity to run away from home? This is a testing period for the parents and children alike.

As parenting is the divine task unto parents, we have to be very careful not to turn our children into monsters psychologically. Lip-service parenting become a decaying core in the fabric of today’s parent-leadership. Isaiah 23 vs 9 says The Lord says: “These people come near to me with their mouth and honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. Their worship of me is based on merely human rules they have been taught. With every word that comes out of the mouth of parents, be intentional about showing not only the manly side of parenting but also display genuine love and affection for all the children.

Like the above verse highlights the far away positions of the hearts and lips of the people to God, so should parents not allow the children to be when they are still around. Genuine parenting never causes any negativity towards the children. No need for children to pretend to love their parent.

Tough love may keep that child away from you just because you are not giving them the safe space to enjoy love, see love in action and live in love. No parent would love to watch their children give accolades and reverence to another adult whilst they are alive, so tough love should be encompassing and invigorating. Use the tough love to correct and spice it up with tenderness and love.