9 best lessons I learned from my 42years in marriage (True Life Events)
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A married man, Mark Collins shares his experience after a successful 42 years of marriage and the lessons he has learnt over that period of time.
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1. Don’t ever lie to your spouse.
In the 42 years we’ve been married and the 50 years I’ve known my wife, I’ve never once lied to her. To the best of my knowledge, she has never lied to me. I believe if one has to resort to lying, the relationship has bigger issues.
Plus, by not lying, I don’t have to worry about keeping my stories straight because there aren’t any stories. Real men and women don’t lie to their spouses.
2. No more secrets and hiding:
Make any skeletons in your closet known to your potential spouse before you get married.
We had been dating for some time when one evening my future wife tearfully said, “There is something I need to tell you about and I’m scared this will ruin our relationship.”
After she got done explaining her secret, I thought for a minute and said, “Well, there’s something you should know about my background. After sharing my skeleton, her response was, “Oh, that’s ok with me.”
We have no secrets. Real men and women bare their soles to their potential spouses before ruining someone else’s life.
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3. Learn to fight fairly.
In our early years, if I complained about something my wife did that I thought was wrong, I would get blasted with the last six months of things I did wrong.
This would leave me flabbergasted and speechless and end the disagreement because my mind would be spinning. Psychology calls this “dumping.
I finally went to a counsellor as I couldn’t continue this way, along with some other issues I felt we had. Eventually, I got my wife to come with me. We learned to stick to the issue at hand and address anything else another day.
4. Sex:
I realize health issues prevent some couples from participating. But if you’re withholding from your spouse because you’re mad, that’s a sad situation.
I can only speak from my experience, but I still find sex emotionally and physically satisfying, desirable, and healthy. Unlike some men, I have never expected my wife to “put out” whenever I wanted sex.
That still remains true today. We are in our late 60s and still have sex at least weekly. It’s still as exciting and hot as it was the first time, but even better.
5. Show emotional support.
For years, it was assumed and expected that I would be my wife’s emotional rock. There were no solutions or desires; just listen to her.
I’m far more willing to share my feelings now that I know I won’t be pushed away because she truly has a new level of empathy. It’s tough being a real man because real men do have feelings. I love this woman to pieces.
6. Never use profanity toward your spouse.
I have never, ever sworn at my wife, even though she created a huge problem for us years ago. Any spouse, man or woman, that belittles their spouse with profanity is lower than a dog! Real men and women don’t swear at their spouses—ever.
7. Maintain a few personal interests for some me-time.
Occasionally, my wife will want to participate in one of my activities, and I’m okay with that. I will sometimes ask her for more details about what she is working on, and she is happy to give me an update.
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8. Keep your relationship issues within your relationship unless you are seeking counselling.
I can only think of one time when I said something about an issue we were having. That was for someone I worked with who had a similar problem.
I only said, “I know how you feel because…” I’m pretty sure my wife would never say anything to her friends, either.
9. Physical violence against either spouse is an absolute dealbreaker.
Run, don’t walk, and never look back. If they do it once, they will do it again. This applies to the husband or wife. Someone who can attack their spouse has some deeply rooted issues and doesn’t deserve you.
Run, don’t walk, and don’t ever look back. When my oldest daughter’s boyfriend asked me about marrying my daughter, I told him OK.
Then she told him that if he ever touched her, there was nowhere in the world he could hide, and I would find him. I’m 6’4″ and close to 280 pounds.
I’m pretty sure he knew I was serious.
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